22 Aralık 2019 Pazar

Dünya Sürgünüm...

Bir küçük gülümseme ile başlar seyahat rehberin önce bir kalbin içerisinden damlayan su damlası gibi olur, sonra göl olur, sonra baraj olur taşmak ister deniz olur en son okyanus olur büyür büyüdükçe içinde iklimi değişmiş bir hava olursun gökyüzünde parlamayan sönük bir yıldız olursun.

inanmadığın her şey sana inanç gelir, sevmediğin her şeyi sevmeye başlarsın geriye dönüp baktığın da kendini okyanusa çoktan bırakmışsın...

tüm benliğin artık senliğin değil tamamen başkasına ait oluvermiş ve sen kendi karakterin ile savaşır olmuşsun, ne kadar kabullenmek zor olsa da artık sen sevdiğin olmuşsun başkaları içinse sadece bir köpek olursun..

ve....

o gün gelir ne kadar geriye dönmek istersen iste yok olursun.
kendin olamazsın.
başkasının hayatını tek başına yaşarsın
kendi çayını kendin demler içersin
sigaranı derine çekebildiğin kadar çekersin.
oturur gizli kapaklı karanlıkta hiç kimsenin haberi olmadan ağlarsın
duvarlara duvarlara ağlarsın
çığlık atarsın ama sesini duyan olmaz.
konuşursun kendi kendine.
kendi kendine bir dünya kurarsın
içinde hayallerinin olduğu hiç bir zaman gerçekleşmeyecek olan.
insanlara yalandan gülümsersin
için ne kadar kanarsa senin için o kadar iyidir.
ölmek istersin ölemezsin..

Yalnızsın..
sürgünsün şehirlere
şehir şehir dolaşırsın kendini bulamazsın...



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